July 9th, 2025
Ascending to Zenith
"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." Nelson Mandela
A few of the men in my family were going to the mountains in Colorado, elk hunting; to me the perfect vacation. I was almost 20 and as a birthday gift my dad paid for me to go along for a vacation. Being a last minute decision I quickly got my winter clothes, and what little camping gear I had and placed it in an old GI bag. After a short but memorable good bye from mom, we had the trucks and trailers loaded, and were off for Colorado. I slept through the night but when we hit the Colorado border I awoke. My eyes were wide open knowing the mountains would soon be in view. When we hit Denver the transmission on the truck went out. After a long discussion in the snow we decided to leave the truck behind. Disappointed and frustrated with our situation we hooked the trailer on to another truck and went on our way.
It was late when we arrived but I was relieved knowing we were there. As I looked around there was a large peak to the east. Aspens covered the valley and halfway up its torso, and at the top were steep rock cliffs which seemed to reach the sky. I immediately singled it out as ideal for the hike I had planned. Nostalgic, I gazed endlessly; as though it were a friend I had not seen for years. In a way it was, for I had lived in Denver when I was little and the mountains were part of my earliest memories. Like any young boy; climbing to the top was a natural instinct. I frequently ran off to climb to the top of what ever rocks I could find. As I grew older I often dreamed of climbing a mountain and of what things I might find on my way. This would finally be the opportunity I had anticipated for so long.
Exhausted from the trip I decided to lie down in the truck for the night. Morning soon came but I slept soundly, the best sleep I had gotten in months. Content and well rested I had a bite to eat and started unpacking. We spent the morning arranging camp and getting aquatinted with the other hunters with whom we were sharing camp. As afternoon came, dad made plans to go back to Denver to get the truck we were forced to leave behind. Seeing I wanted to stay he made sure I had a few dollars in case I needed something from town and left me his camping gear that was sure to come in handy.
The next day I decided it was time; I had an early lunch and gathered a canteen and a snack for the hike. I put on my warmest clothes and set out for the mountain. Climbing hill after hill through the aspens I soon came across a stream. Tired and thirsty I sat by the water facing a huge cliff on the other side. Taking a few drinks I paused to enjoy the sounds of the water flowing and hitting the rocks below. As I reached the top of the cliff I could see a clearing through the trees. Figuring it would be much easier walking than through the dense trees; I made my way towards it. When I crossed the fence into the open field the peak came into view. Dismayed from the sight, my heart fell to my stomach. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, after walking so far I was still miles from the peaks base. Still determined as ever I tried to convince myself I could do it, but reason soon set in.
Disparaged I turned back towards camp. Deciding to explore, I followed the stream north towards a road that I knew led towards the camp. On the way I found a couple old cabins and old sheds that had been abandoned for quite some time. I then played in the cold stream as I did many times as a boy. I then released the day was far from being wasted. I soon stumbled across a path leading to camp; just in time to get a ride from my brother-in-law who was just as surprised to see me as I to see him. I went with him to camp, and he told me his plans to go to town on the way.
Needing cigarettes and a shower, I decided to go with them. When we arrived in town it was brought up that it was the twelfth, my birthday. So it was decided to go to the bar for awhile to celebrate. Getting served at the local pub ended up being a story by itself; which is still mentioned from time to time. After a couple beers and a game of pool we were on our way. The men took their turns telling stories of past hunts and embracing anecdotes on one another. Most had been retold many times before over Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Even though some I knew almost by heart, they always brought back good memories. Not only did it make it a great birthday but it was a night out with the guys that I will never forget.
Back at camp I warmed up by the stove and went to bed. Early morning I awoke in the cold. I found the tent, covered in snow and the heater had run out of propane. Quickly as I could, I found my flashlight and got dressed. I opened the tent door open to find a drift but there was no choice but to wade through it. Entering the tent my uncle Harold saw me standing shivering and covered with snow. Without saying a word he was up making room for me to sleep next to the stove. He then heated up some soup in the kettle for me as I sat hovering by the stove. He said only a few words and good night and returned to his cot. To recuperate from my long cold night I spent the morning moving my cot in and making a spot next to the other hunters.
Almost noon, I had just eaten and was drinking a beer waiting for the others to return for lunch. My uncle Jerry came in late and after eating a quick bite asked if I wanted to go with him to a mountain nearby. I soon found myself dressed and ready to go. By chance it was the very peak I had zealously been wanting to climb. We jumped on his 4 wheeler and were on our way. Reaching the foot of the mountain we found the path had not yet been cleared. We decided to continue anyway, plowing through drifts of snow and moving logs off the road as we went. Near the top we found ourselves at a fork in the road. Not wanting to scare any elk that maybe close by, we left the 4 wheeler and walked the rest of the way. Not far down one of the paths I decided to part ways. I wished him luck on getting an elk and as if he knew what I was looking for he wished me luck as well...
Making a path through a forest of aspens and pines I found myself at a steep rocky incline. After freeing myself of what packed snow I could, I purged on. Slipping on rocks and snow I warily made my way from tree to tree until finally reaching a small clearing with some snow and a boulder sticking up. Worn from the hike I decided that would be a good place to rest. As I leaned back, gazing at the horizon and valley, I noticed I could see our camp. It was then I released where I was and looking up the crown was only 30 ft above me. I then took a look down. It was almost straight down and a good 200 ft to the bottom. Proud I leaned back once again enjoying what I had accomplished.
And then I noticed the silence, of a kind I had never heard. There in that stillness I stumbled across what I had been searching for. It wasn’t an elk, a bear, or even a mountain lion; what I found up high on that mountain was myself. I had never released how lost I was until I had found myself there. I was no longer in the world that seemed before so alien to me. It was as much of me as I was of it. The differences that were once so clear were now only prejudices now vanishing before my eyes. There was the nirvana that I didn’t know could even exist. What I found wasn’t at the peak where I had expected it to be. It had been in me all along. Looking into the sunset I didn’t want to leave but I knew I had to return. And with night coming soon I didn’t have any time to waste. So after a short moment to let it sink in I headed back that enormous mountain that had taken me a lifetime to climb.
When I came to the path where my uncle and I had departed only and hour before, I took a seat on a log that had fallen across the path. Hearing my uncle trampling up the path I anticipated embracing him and telling him what I had found up there. And yet when he came into sight I became speechless. With daylight almost gone we hurried back to camp. On the way I couldn’t help looking back at that peak that once seemed so far away. I couldn’t help feeling that I was leaving something there but I had no idea what. When we returned, everything seemed different somehow. It was then I realized that the world was the same as it always was, but I knew I would never be able to look at it in the same way ever again. What I had left was that naive child in all of us with all the pains that come with childhood.
Warming up by the stove I wanted to tell the guys what I had found up there. Not even gold could have enriched me more. As I lay down for the night, still in a state of euphoria, I thought about what I had endured and searched for words to tell the guys. When my dad returned the next day I wanted to thank him and tell him what had happened while he was away. In the end I decided some things are best left...unspoken.
Wes D. Sturdevant